my weekend

Okay... since i haven't posted in a while, I'll write this out by days...

Thursday- I went to school and had a bit of a freak out. I called my mom crying for no reason at all. she came to school and we went out for a bit before my next class which really helped. then I had work which is kind of a pain in the ass. Thursday was not my day. It really made it clear that I need to be re-evaluated. So we set up an appointment but unfortunatly at the infamous shepard pratt. We couldn't find anywhere else to go. Even worse, the Dr that I'm seeing (Dr. Walsh) is the one who admitted me to shepard pratt when I went inpatient. Talk about awkward. When I came home from work my parents asked me if I was feeling depressed because I wasn't doing good in school. I'm doing fine in school. I don't really know why but I just flipped out at them. I was yelling about how I can have a bad day without my being a complete faliure at everything I do. Needless to say, I took it out of hand but I just snapped. It was weird

Friday- I had school in the morning and work in the afternoon. I didn't go to bible study but instead ended up going to dinner at my grandparent's house. I met my grandmother's older sister for the first time. She's 80 and lives in california. She was so funny! Unlike my grandmother she drinks, curses, and tells dirty jokes. I was dying, it was so funny. I didn't neccisarily want to go to dinner at my grandparents because they usually stuff me full of food and I actually ate a pretty big lunch at work. It ended up being fine and when I came home I went to bed feeling pretty good.

Saturday- I finally got to sleep in!!! This never happens and it felt so, so good. When I woke up I felt a little relieved because for some unknown reason, I had come to the decision that I was going to quit my job. I don't feel like they treat me well there, they schedule me for litterally 27-29 hours a week, and the pay isn't even worth the gas money I spend to drive to the mall. All in all the job is stressing me out more than it is helping and I really just want to feel good again. My mother did NOT like this idea. She told me that I have a problem following through with things and that I was just giving up. I thought she was being a little rediculous and I told her that it just isn't worth the money and the stress. We were arguing about it on the way downstairs and my dad got involved in the conversation. He made some good points. He told me that I should talk to my manager and tell her that I need to be scheduled for no more that 20 hours a week. Then tell her that I really like the job but it's just not working out the way that I had hoped, especially with gas money, and that at the end of my semester I'm not going to be able to work here any more. That way it wont say that I "quit" but it will have retired my position or resigned with decent notice. I also had to tell my manager that I wouldn't be able to come in to work on Wednesday because I have a doctors appointment that I can't miss. If she fires me over that, then my next employer can just see that she fired me because I had a doctors appointment, and that is obviously an unreasonable expectation of priorities. I decided that I would take his advice and my mom then reminded me that I shouldn't make any big decisions right now because I'm not seeing things clearly. My depression is warping my vision of things and I should really wait until I get my medicines fixed. Then dad took me to starbucks and we went to the grocery store. When we came home I left right away to go to Michelle's modeling at Lord & Taylors and work after that. I had just enough gas to get to the bank so I could withdraw money and fill up my car. No surprise, the second I got to the bank they locked the doors and said that they were closed. There were litterally people inside still waiting in line but they wouldn't let me come in. I was so frustrated!! Why why why do I keep ending up in less than desirable situations. I called my dad and he graciously drove all the way out to clarksville and filled up my tank. From the gas station I hurried to the mall and made it just in time to see Michelle's show. She looked so great! Then I got to hang out with her, kim, amanda, lauren, laurens boyfried, vicki, and vicki's mom for a little bit before I went to work. I was supposed to be off of work at 10 but they're doing a new "floor set" and people came in at 9pm which made closing difficult so they asked me to stay until 11pm. I did and it wasn't too bad. At least I get more money. Apparently the floor set people didn't leave untill 8am! I'm sooo glad I didn't get scheduled for that. They did that Friday, Saturday, and are doing it right now until the morning.

Sunday (today)- I woke up on time to go to church, but I didn't end up going. Instead I hung out with my parents and just relaxed which was definatly needed. I went to work from 12-6pm (opening to closing on a sunday) I came home and my parents were at a tennis match. I was supposed to make dinner for myself but I ended up falling asleep in my bed and was woken up by my mom when they came home at 8 (an hour early) She made me an ommlette and cut up a grapefruit. My parents and I started to watch Iron Man II and I made a strawberry smoothie (yum) But we all got tired so we're hopefully going to finish watching it tomorrow. Anyways, I'm in bed now and I'm really tired. Tomorrow I have school and work. So nothing too exciting.

So that was my weird, but not so weird weekend. Hopefully my week is sunnier and a little bit happier!