Typing on an iPad takes practice

...so don't judge this post.
Cockroach apocalypse

So yesterday I woke up in the morning to go run a little errand with Michelle. When I was walking to the sink, I noticed a (small) dead cockroach! EWWWwW. Anyway, I decided to be a big girl, so I went to the kitchen and got a paper towel to pick it up and flush it down the toilet. While I'm trying to pick it up, the worst thing possible happened. It started crawling. Holy cow, I could not have freaked out more. So I got up my roommate because I clearly needed back up for this situation. We of course were squealing and freaking out about what to do and about who was home that would kill it for us. We discovered that our usual exterminator roommate wasn't home and we had to deal with this ourselves. While we were busy being grossed out it started crawling... Towards the closet. That is one giant no-no. W had to do something quick so we went into our closet and decided that we would have to squish it because our attempts to "shew" it outside just wasn't working. We both decided that we were not using any of our shoes to do the deed, so we grabbed a shoe in the hallway who's owner is still unknown. then that didn't work because it was in a corner. So to wrap the story up, Brittany blindly squished it with a hanger and it eventually stopped crawling with it's head chopped off.

Christmas Party Number 1

My shift last night was from 7:15-1:15, which isn't unusual. What was unusual was how much fun I had at work! It was by far the best time I've had while on the job. The dance party in the dining room, s we had a dj, plenty of characters, and an entire "bay" set up with free cookies and hot chocolate. We were dancing on the counter all night. It put me in such a good mood. One of my favorite moments of the night was when I was on "topping bar". Party in the USA had just come on, and obviously I was excited. I looked behind me at the outside dining and saw a small girl (maybe 5 years old?) hard core breaking it down all by herself. It was so cool but she looked up and saw me watching and fist pumping. She got super embarrassed and went to hide behind her mom. Tying to make her feel more comfortable, continued to look at her and dance like a maniac. Let's be honest, it's impossible to be self conscious when you dance around me, because at least you know you're better than one person! She was laughing and smiling. She started to dance again and then before I knew it she had run inside and walked up to me. In the sweetest little british accent she said, "you're a very good dancer"! I was so cute! So I told her that she was too! She said that she wanted to be a dancer when she grows up and I just told her that she could do whatever she put her heart to, and that luckily, she was clearly a talented dancer, so she'll be just fine. I looked outside at her mom, who was smiling, and she mouthed "thank you" to me. I just smiled and asked the girl if she was hungry because she's been dancing so much!! Eventually she went back outside, but I loved talking to her.

Late Night, Early Morning
I got home at two, and packed and got ready until three thirty in the morning. So I decided that I should lay down for a cat nap before I had to get up to catch the flight. I was planning on leaving at around five twenty, but of course, I overslept and woke up at five fourth. Thankfully my roommate Liz is a very skilled race car driver, and the lines were really short. I got to my gate with plenty if time, and now I am at home!! I love it so much, it feels great to be in my own bed, in my own room, in my house, in my town...even in my state. It's was a beautiful and colorful fall day today, and now I'm going to sleep well, because I'm still running off two hours of sleep. Thank goodness for coffee!!!

'Tis the Season

          Halloween to Christmas... there's really no grace period between the two here at Disney. But hey, I'm more than okay with starting to enjoy an oh-so-jolly Disney holiday season! Last night I went to the cast preview of Mickey's Christmas Party parade! It didn't think that there could possibly be a parade more impressive than Mickey's Not-So-Scary Halloween Party parade, but this was probably just as good! I mean, they make it snow on main street!! Everything is decked out in Christmas decorations and the castle looks like it's dripping with icicles. Honestly, I kind of expected to be missing out on Christmas by coming down to Florida for the holidays. Disney does such a great job making me feel otherwise. I'm so happy about that.
          At the parade I had the BEST magical moment ever! It was literally the greatest ever- Dopey came up to me and kissed my face! I was so surprised and happy that I was just giggling like a five year old when it happened. It definitely made my night. After the the parade was over and I made my way back to Liz (my roommate)'s car we stopped at taco bell and ate way more than we should have. Or, at least I did. Now it's Saturday and I don't start work until 8:15 tonight. I work for the rest of the week until Wednesday when, in the morning I'll catch a flight back home! I really can't wait to visit home. It's a much needed vacation. I'm trying to focus on work and every day that I spend here this week though, just so I don't waste my entire day looking forward to Wednesday. I guess that's all for now! Thanks for reading.

My Weekend

Since I work on the weekends, I normally get either Wednesday and Thursday off, or Thursday and Friday off. This week I got Wednesday and Thursday off, so in my world it's a Sunday afternoon right now. Yesterday I slept a lot. It was mostly because two of my roommates and I stayed up until about 5am pulling a prank on two other girls in our appartment. We took their matresses, and most everything else in their room and put them in different rooms. It was silly, but really funny at the time. Then we went to a 24 hour walmart on a mission for pretzels and queso. It was a good time. Anyway, yesterday I didn't really do much until I got a text message from Michelle, asking me to come to the parks with her and her cousins, Nicole and Allegra. Their friend Jeremiah was there also. It was really fun! We got a really good veiw for the electrical parade and then the castle show and fireworks!! It was really amazing to be able to see it all from in front of the castle. Normally I just watch from outside of the window at work. (Which is still amazing by the way) For those of you who dont know, the wishes parade has a pretty amazing story behind it. There was a very young girl who had cancer, and as a part of the make a wish foundation, she wrote the wishes song that is now played every night at the magic kingdom. Unfortunately the girl died before she was able to hear her song played at the magic kingdom. It's a sad story, but always gives me goosebumps because really, that girl is still here, bringing magic to so many people.
I couldn't sleep last night, so instead of rolling around in bed I got up and cleaned. Don't worry, I wasn't bugging my roomate, she was out watching a movie. I actually got a lot done! I woke up this morning around 10 and went to the Animal Kingdom with Michelle and two of her friends. We went on Expedition Everest 4 times, Dinosaur, the time machine ride, and It's a Bug's Life show/ride thing. We just came back and now I'm getting ready to head to chick fil et and then go to the "night of stars" at hollywood studios. Night of Stars is the talent show for CP's. Hopefully it's actually good, and not completely filled with people who think they can sing. I can only take so much.
Tomorrow is my Monday, but it will be a good one! I don't have work until 4:30 and get out at 10:30. Then I'm going to stay at the Magic Kingdom and wait around for the cast preview of Mickey's Christmas Parade at midnight! We also have our appartment inspection tomorrow, I hope we get the white glove award again! Mhhh, chocolates :) Well I'm going to go now, but I'll update again soon!

Care Package

It's november. It's fall. It's officially, "seasonal". I like this very, very much. It's hard to think of anything as being "seasonal" in Florida, because it's pretty mild weather still here. However, my blood is indeed thinning, and what would normally be amazing fall weather is now somewhat chilly in my book. I got a very special care package from my parents this week! They had been telling me that they had something coming for me in the mail, my dad mentioned something about cookies, and my mom seemed very proud of herself for sending me something. So I went to the mailbox, hoping for some sort of an assortment of candy, or maybe a twenty to support my unhealthy coffee addiction. Instead, there was a letter addressed to me, with "big-ass care package" written across the back. Let me just tell you, this was the flimsiest, skinniest little envelope you could imagine. It wasn't even stiff enough for a solid postcard. This was clearly only meeting the printer paper standard. (There was also a letter from my dear friend, rachel clark, which made me so, so very happy!) Anyway, I walked back to my appartment with my expectations dropping with each step. I had ended up thinking, if a little note was all I got in the mail from my parents, it would still probably make my day! (and it would be fun to make fun of their "aweseome care package")
Back at the appartment, I grabed a knife and opened the envelope very carefully (because I don't really like ripping open letters, it looks sloppy) Indeed, it was printer paper!!! My goodness, this was funny. So I rolled my eyes a little bit and unfolded the piece of paper. There in my hands was a printed e-mail flight confirmation for the 9th to the 12th!!!! My parents are paying for me to fly home next week!!!! I litterally could not have been smiling any more without my lips splitting. I'm still just so happy to be able to visit home. Not that I don't LOVE it here, but I have to admit that I have been a little homesick lately. Needless to say, it was the best care package that I could have ever hoped for.

I lied...

Okay, so I didn't go to the character audition. I was going to go with my roommates, but we're waiting for the audition in November I think. I get to go home next month! My parents are going to pay for me to fly home on the 8th if I can give away my shifts for a few days! :) I can't wait to be back at home for a few days. Anyways, that's all for now, since I just realized that I think the audition conflicts with the dates for my trip home, so now I'm going to figure that out. Okay, well I'll post again soon!

Wow.... long time, no post.

So.... it's been a while! I'm just livin' the life at disney, ya know? I work a lot, go out, and sleep. Honestly, that's pretty much it. I miss home and I miss Greensboro. I hang out mostly with my roomates. (because they're awesome) We all still get along really well and the appartment is great. I got a care package from my sisters today (woohoo!) and just got back from work around an hour ago. (2 am) I work really late alot, which is pretty fun actually. I'm going to a character audition on thursday and hopefully will break into the entertainment side of the disney company! I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it all goes well. Anyways, I should probably try to go to sleep... maybe.

Shit's Weird.

The title really says it all. I don't know how to feel right now about, well, everything. On one hand, work is great, my roomates are great, michelle and my family are great. I'm living in florida. Hell, I'm living in DISNEY! I should really be saying that things are going great right now! In fact, the majority of things are going great, but I guess I just don't feel great. I do have my reasons though. Almost a week ago now, a beautiful, intelligent, and inspiring girl took her own life. Emily Roe was someone that I knew through sharing many friends and one common enemy. I can't even really say much more than that about it. It all confuses me so much on so many different levels. I miss so many people right now. I feel confused, sad, frustrated, and so many other things. I'm not at home so I won't be able to make it to the memorial service. I wish I could be there. However, there is going to be a live streaming of the service online. I'm anxious to watch it. I don't really wan't to watch alone, so I asked Michelle if she want's to watch it with me. I totally understand why anybody wouldn't want to watch something like that though. So if she can't I'll probably just call one of my sorority sisters that's down here and ask her for the favor. I want to be at home right now more than I have since I got down here. I love it down here though... weird. Shit's Weird.

Disney

I'm here!! Disney is great so far. I haven't finished training yet, but I'm working at a restaraunt called Cosmic Ray's. It's in Tomorrowland which is in the Magic Kingdom. It's actually the 2nd bussiest restaraunt in the world! At least I'll never get bored, right? My job will be in the front of the restaraunt, bussing tables, being a hostess, etc. It's definitly a great job. I'm right next to Alice's tea cup ride, the Rapunzel meet & greet, and the Cinderella Castle! Apparently Cosmic Ray's gets PACKED at nighttime, when the fireworks go off above the castle, I guess we have a pretty good view. Well anyways, I live in an appartment complex called Chatham Square. I had the option of having a four bedroom apartment (8 girls), or a one bedroom apartment (2 girls). Call me crazy, but I chose the four bedroom. My reasoning is as follows: To begin with, it costs less. (maybe only ten dollars a week, but whatever) Also, what if I were to opt for the one bedroom and ended up absolutely HATING my roomate. No thanks, I'd rather not be stuck in that awkward situation. Anyways, on a really really good note, ALL of my roomates are normal!!! The girls who's actually sharing a room with me is so sweet. Her name is Britney and shes from Washington state! (WOW!!) The others are awesome as well. Anyways, the pool here is really nice, and obviously the parks are amazing! That's about all for now. Gotta go hang out with people and stuffs, ya know?

8 days...

until disney time! exciting right? i've been packing and consolidating everything to make sure i have everything i need, but nothing more than that. my parents are in new york for the us open, they'll be home on thursday. So i've just been at home with my sister alison, doing nothing. i'm a little bit bummed out every now and then, because i'm missing so much at greensboro, but then i kind of slap my self in the face because going to disney is such a good thing! how could i be upset about anything else, it feels selfish. i just want to get down there and get started!! i'm getting a bit antsy i guess. i just want everything to work, not just disney, but also getting back to greensboro. I hate that i'm leaving without all of that being resolved because the spring application isn't out yet. i'll just have to keep myself busy until then i suppose.

Maryland

I am back at home! Actually, I've been at home since monday night. My sister Lindsey ended up picking me up on her way from south carolina to maryland so YAY for free transportation! I had a really good time in North Carolina. All of the housing fees that I was charged (by UNCG's mistake) have been cleared up, and that's a weight off my shoulders. I loved getting to see all of my friends, and just having a boy-free week. Normally when I go down to visit, there is some new developement in the boy department, but I'm so glad to have had a week down there to focus on what is really important to me. I'm of course sad that I'm going to miss recruitment and that I'm not going to be there for the first half of up 'til dawn. Then I just remind myself that I'm going to Disney World! I talked to Michelle yesterday and she seems to be having a really good timel. I miss her so much, especially being at home now. On the other hand, it helps me focus on getting everything in order before I make my own treck down to my new florida home :) Ugh, I have a dr's appointment that I have to be at at 5:15. Needless to say, I don't want to go. I'm just tired and I want to hang out at the house with my sister's cats. (they love me) I'll probably write some more when I get back.

North Carolina

Okay, so I'm in North Carolina still. I decided to stay the weekend instead of going home on friday morning. I really love seeing everyone and watching everybody move back to the boro. All of my sisters have been great. I'm trying to figure out a good bus ride to get home, since a lot of them have really weird timings. Why would I want to get to baltimore at 4:10 in the morning? I've heard from michelle a few times this week, it sounds like she's having so much fun and i'm so excited for her and for me getting down there. Nothing super important has happened recently. I'm excited to go home and see my sister (and her cats). That's all for now, I suppose.

lazy sunday

Michelle leaves today for florida! I'm a mixed bag of emotions, mostly super happy and selfishly sad. I will indeed miss her for this month, but I'm the lucky one who gets to join her in Florida in 23 days. I'm getting really excited. For me it's a bit different, because I've already left home and lived on my own. I'm just excited to do it again, and do it right this time. I'm actually going to North Carolina (greensboro) to help everybody move in this week! I'm excited to be back on campus and with my friends. I'll probably be sad for 2.5 seconds that I'm not going back this semester, but I've spent my time going over it, and Disney is the clear winner. I'm reluctantly making a good life decision by coming back to maryland on friday. You see, I really wanted to come back on monday so that I could stay for the fun weekend! After thinking about it, I don't really need a fun weekend right now. I have more important things to focus on. Also, if I come back on Friday I'll be saving money. So I'm good with my decision right now, and I hope it stays that way. My sister Alison is moving back home tomorrow with her two cats. I'll have to wait until Friday to see them because I'm leaving tomorrow morning with Elicia. That's all that's really going on right now. Life is pretty good and I have a lot to look forward to within the next few days to the next few months!

Rachel posted this earlier. Holy mother, I can't even explain how many chills I get every time I watch this. It is the ultimate expression of the relationship you have with an addiction.

A New Week

I  slept a lot this weekend. Like, a LOT. Yesterday evening, I went over to a friends house and spent the day there today. Lots of waking hours! Woo! Anyways, this is what has been on my mind for the past hour: there's something very enticing about completely ruining your life. At least for me. Especially when things are going relatively well, there's always something alluring about jumping into another downward spiral. I know it probably sounds crazy. I don't know why I feel this way, and it's not like I want to feel this way. I just do. I'm really really good at messing things up. Some people don't really appreciate that as a talent, but not everybody is gifted at screwing up. There's something about the total disregard for concequences that I seem to have a knack for. So at times like these, when my mind is telling me to do stupid things, I just try to keep myself occupied. Whether it's sleeping, or doing something, anything, else, it's better than letting myself sit in my head for too long. If I did, I could probably talk myself into royally screwing up again. Oh if only my mind wasn't such a dangerous place sometimes.

lazy Wednesday

I woke up really early today. (at least for me) I don’t know why I did it. I wasn’t done sleeping. In fact, I was really tired, and really comfortable in my bed. I’m glad that I got out of bed though. My mom had left for an appointment so I had a relaxing cup of coffee by myself and started my day off calmly. I went to Starbucks with Michelle and Amanda. I love coffee. Then we went shoe shopping and stopped at Home Goods, where I dropped off an application. Things have been really good lately. Things seem to be coming together. Which is a much needed change for me after this past year. I appreciate weeks like this as much as I can, but it’s hard for me to remind myself that things wont stay good forever. That scares me. I want things to be good for as long as they can, and I want to enjoy it! I don't want t think about how it’s not going to last. So I’m working on enjoying the present. And looking forward without fear. The future is something that I should be excited about! Actually, it reminds me of something I was taught when  I was learning to drive. If your car starts to spin out or you start to loose control, look at where you want to go. It’s guaranteed that if you look at the tree that you DON’T want to hit, you’re going to hit it. Or if you look at the oncoming cars obnoxious headlights, you’re going to start to gravitate towards them. Keep yourself focused on what you want to happen, envision yourself succeeding and your mind will take steps to getting there without you even recognizing it. I also think that to do that, you need a little faith with you at all times. All of that being said, I’m very much looking forward to this upcoming year. Things are lookin’ good.

I literally haven't posted in forever.

My life is weird. Today has been weird. Kind of sucky actually. It's not anybody's fault, I'm just not doing anything for myself. I've been in bed since I got home from Greensboro, which I went to visit over the weekend. I know it's just a small trip, but it's really hard for me to transition from there to here. It's weird going from constant stimulation and friends around me 24/7 to well... none of that. It also makes me kind of sad to know that so much is going on and I'm missing it. Don't get me wrong, I love being at home, and I have friends here. It's just different. I guess I'm lonely, which is weird because I'm normally very content by myself. Honestly, eating has been a little difficult. Mostly because I'm not doing anything, so I dont want to be sitting at home all day eating. Then that turns into me just basically not eating. I had dinner though and it was good. It's not that it's really eating disorder stuff, I just don't really have any motivation for anything. I hate it. I can't wait until Disney comes around so I can be around the 24/7 hustle and bustle of college life. Anyways, my day started out okay, got worse, and now is looking up again. It's always good to write things out. Also a boy just called me sweetheart, and if I don't include all of the confusion and anxiety around my love-life right now, then that makes me really happy. Every now and then pet names just make you feel warm and fuzzy inside. Oh well, I guess that's all that I have to say for now :)

Wow... i seriously havent posted in forever.

This post has nothing to do with my life lately.... but i was on a blog earlier and I saw these outfits that were inspired by disney/cartoon characters and I thought they were TERRIBLE. So I wanted to see if I could do a better job...

First is an outfit inspired by the first look shown in the movie Anastasia (from when she was little):

I came up with:

The shoes are from DSW. The bracelet is from Macy's. The earings are from Charelotte Rouse. The dress is from shopbop.com.
It's kind of lacking the different blues in the dress, but I still thought the dress was perfect.





No words.

I'm tired, (you'll understand why in a minute) so this is going to be a short post. Basically all you have to know is that during fall semester, I got involved with this TOXIC boy named Will, and he is the biggest douche bag on the face of the earth. After not talking to him for a solid month, or maybe two, I get phone calls from him at 1am last night! I'm SLEEPING! DON'T CALL ME. Dont worry, I wasn't dumb enough to answer.. I ignored the call. But ohh no, it didn't end there. He called again. Yep, he called THREE TIMES in ONE MINUTE. I turned off my phone so who knows if he kept calling. But now I'm sleeeepy and the cleaner is here, so I can't stay in bed. whyyy won't this kid just LEAVE ME ALONE?!

That is for you, Will. Because you woke me up, AND you almost ruined toy story 3 for me. But I decided you're just not worth it.... that movie rocks.

side note..

People seriously don't comprehend how much they piss me off on a regular basis.

It’s been a while…

Coconut is officially the best thing that has ever happened to star bucks. That, and star bucks gift cards, because I got one for my birthday. I also got the Jane Austin book from the Barnes and Nobles Leather-bound Classics collection, a Lilly Pulitzer diary, a book called “How to be a Hepburn in a Hilton World”, a new watch from Nordstrom's, new sandals, a dress, a shirt, and MONEY. Not bad at all :) This week is kind of weird. I have finals, but I only have two of them. I have one Wednesday morning at 8am, and one Thursday morning at 8:30am. Then I’m done with the semester? It feels weird. I still have some things to turn into a few classes. I should probably stop procrastinating on those. Oh well. The weather has been REALLY bipolar and I kind of like it. One of my friends from Greensboro is in Maryland, so I’m trying to find a time to hang out with her. I also have interviews for Nanning jobs this week. I’ve been sleeping in really late and I love it. Except for the fact that by the time I get up, the coffee is cold. Boo. I’m having a very laid back cook out at my house this weekend for my birthday, which should be fun. Tomorrow I’m going to introducing God, and Thursday I’m going out to dinner with some friends. I decided that I want a Boston Terrier puppy because they are the cutest, ugliest, weirdest little dogs I have ever seen. Oh yeah, and yesterday I was on tumblr.com and was just looking around. I went to horoscope stuff because, trust me, I was really bored. Anyways, I’m a Taurus and everybody has always told me that I fit the description to a tee. It’s true, I really do, but I found some things yesterday on Taurus’s that literally made me laugh out loud because it’s so me!

examples:

“As a Taurus, it is difficult to predict what will upset you, so when you do lose your cool, people don't know how to react.”

“…they seldom loose control, but when they get angry they can be violent.”

“”Once committed, Taurus demands and gives absolute loyalty.Divorce is highly unlikely.”

“ can be too blunt, they say what’s on their mind.”

“Taurus will suppress his or her real emotions and present a blank exterior…”

Those are just a few. BUT also when people throw together a list of traits, you’re bound to identify with a few of them!

lazy

desccriptive, isn't it?
well this post COULD be really long. and honestly, it's probably going to be. but i'm going to try to keep it to a minimum.

- uncg was great. i love and miss all of my friends. tuesday night stood out as really good, but it was all fun.
- i got into disney
- i think i'm going to come out of school with decent grades!
- i'm quitting my job
- i think i'm going to disney... i think, there's only one factor that keeps me second guessing
- love is in the air... or in my head.
- struggles exist. trying to stay on path. there is something that i need to gain... even though i dont want to
- bff and i had our first argument ever. but lets be real, a year and a half is a good run!! we're good now. love you mich

thats pretty much all i want to get into right now.
if you're reading this... chances are, i love you

4 things

So today I drove down to uncg!! I'm really happy to be down here again. It's becoming really clear what I need here and what I need to stay away from. That is definatly a benifit of coming down here. I couldn't see clearly before. When I left this morning my mom told me four things that I needed to do this week.
1. Be good
2. Eat
3. Take medicine
4. Call mommy
yes it's funny... she made me repeat it over and over again. then she pop-quized me. It's just so hard to look at that list and take it seriously. Those things are essentially what a lot of my mistakes here can be boiled down to. Well... the day was long. I'm seeing my school and my friends in a whole different perspective. I'm going to go to bed and hopefully tomorrow will be a nice day with everybody.

can you please stick this needle in my arm?

Okay so the past yesterday and today have been weird. So i went to the pratt for my appointment. Basically names got mixed up and I only ended up with about 20 mins for my appointment. It wasn't dr. walsh, it was dr. wahls. She was kind of a bitch but so am I so hey, things worked out. She basically told me that I need to get my blood taken because she want's to make sure that I don't have a thyroid problem. Also she wants me to get a bone density scan because she thinks I look sick. She was very annoying. Then I went to a shop in towson with my mom. The store had bunches of lilly in it so it def was a good stop. I finally slep last night... probably because I took my old sleeping meds. Anyways, today I went to school and had a nutrition test. It wasn't hard so I got out pretty early. Then I went to the vampires to get my blood sucked. nbd. I had my bio lab today but for some reason i just reallyyy wanted to go see a movie. So I skipped class and went to see this movie called Hanna. I thought it was supposed to be scary but it really wasn't. It was good though. Oh, and my parents have to get my car checked before I go to north carolina because it's really acting up. It doesn't really like to turn on. So thats pretty much all that's happened. Mom told me to pork up so we dont get in an argument with shepard pratt about admitting me. HA. Ugh I'm so tired. bed time? 9:23? Sure.

Tuesday

Today was pretty average. I woke up to a monsoon and because of that monsoon there was no parking to be had in the garage!! and since i was already a little bit late (and because it's nutrition) I went to the gym to see michelle. After that we went to the lib "a bit. Then I went to my car which was parked forever away and sat in the back (my seats were down) and colored. I'm know I'm weird but it was fun. I bought these two "color yourself" disney princess posters yesterday for one dollar. It was a good time chillin in my car. The sun came out and it started to get warm in my car. Obviously this made me tired, because EVERYTHING makes me tired. So I ended up sprawled out in the back of my car sleeping for a solid 45 min. Then Michelle called and told me about free cookies and coffee!! I probably didnt sound too excited because I just woke up, but I drove over to the garage and ended up finding a really good parking spot! Then I met michelle and we got our cookies and coffee, but we had to wear drunk goggles first and walk on a line. It was a little obnoxious how terrible I was at walking. People probably thought I was trying to look like i couldn't walk, because I ran into one of the ladies running the event. But no, I am really that uncoordinated. Michelle had a meeting and I walked with her. Then before my 2:00 class we obvs got refills! cha chinggg. I reluctantly went to my ancient history class. I definatly wasn't in the mood but it ended up being a really good class! We talked about religion and philosophy for the first half and everybody got really into it. For the second half of class there were going to be some student presentations so I dipped out early. I came home and hung out. I made my big and gbig their birthday presents which look really great :) Now I'm just sittin in my bed waiting to get tired. I really really really want to hear from disney. It's making everything feel heavy, not knowing. Does that make sense? Well anyways, tomorrows the big day with Dr. Walsh!! I'm feeling optimistic. Gooood night.

my weekend

Okay... since i haven't posted in a while, I'll write this out by days...

Thursday- I went to school and had a bit of a freak out. I called my mom crying for no reason at all. she came to school and we went out for a bit before my next class which really helped. then I had work which is kind of a pain in the ass. Thursday was not my day. It really made it clear that I need to be re-evaluated. So we set up an appointment but unfortunatly at the infamous shepard pratt. We couldn't find anywhere else to go. Even worse, the Dr that I'm seeing (Dr. Walsh) is the one who admitted me to shepard pratt when I went inpatient. Talk about awkward. When I came home from work my parents asked me if I was feeling depressed because I wasn't doing good in school. I'm doing fine in school. I don't really know why but I just flipped out at them. I was yelling about how I can have a bad day without my being a complete faliure at everything I do. Needless to say, I took it out of hand but I just snapped. It was weird

Friday- I had school in the morning and work in the afternoon. I didn't go to bible study but instead ended up going to dinner at my grandparent's house. I met my grandmother's older sister for the first time. She's 80 and lives in california. She was so funny! Unlike my grandmother she drinks, curses, and tells dirty jokes. I was dying, it was so funny. I didn't neccisarily want to go to dinner at my grandparents because they usually stuff me full of food and I actually ate a pretty big lunch at work. It ended up being fine and when I came home I went to bed feeling pretty good.

Saturday- I finally got to sleep in!!! This never happens and it felt so, so good. When I woke up I felt a little relieved because for some unknown reason, I had come to the decision that I was going to quit my job. I don't feel like they treat me well there, they schedule me for litterally 27-29 hours a week, and the pay isn't even worth the gas money I spend to drive to the mall. All in all the job is stressing me out more than it is helping and I really just want to feel good again. My mother did NOT like this idea. She told me that I have a problem following through with things and that I was just giving up. I thought she was being a little rediculous and I told her that it just isn't worth the money and the stress. We were arguing about it on the way downstairs and my dad got involved in the conversation. He made some good points. He told me that I should talk to my manager and tell her that I need to be scheduled for no more that 20 hours a week. Then tell her that I really like the job but it's just not working out the way that I had hoped, especially with gas money, and that at the end of my semester I'm not going to be able to work here any more. That way it wont say that I "quit" but it will have retired my position or resigned with decent notice. I also had to tell my manager that I wouldn't be able to come in to work on Wednesday because I have a doctors appointment that I can't miss. If she fires me over that, then my next employer can just see that she fired me because I had a doctors appointment, and that is obviously an unreasonable expectation of priorities. I decided that I would take his advice and my mom then reminded me that I shouldn't make any big decisions right now because I'm not seeing things clearly. My depression is warping my vision of things and I should really wait until I get my medicines fixed. Then dad took me to starbucks and we went to the grocery store. When we came home I left right away to go to Michelle's modeling at Lord & Taylors and work after that. I had just enough gas to get to the bank so I could withdraw money and fill up my car. No surprise, the second I got to the bank they locked the doors and said that they were closed. There were litterally people inside still waiting in line but they wouldn't let me come in. I was so frustrated!! Why why why do I keep ending up in less than desirable situations. I called my dad and he graciously drove all the way out to clarksville and filled up my tank. From the gas station I hurried to the mall and made it just in time to see Michelle's show. She looked so great! Then I got to hang out with her, kim, amanda, lauren, laurens boyfried, vicki, and vicki's mom for a little bit before I went to work. I was supposed to be off of work at 10 but they're doing a new "floor set" and people came in at 9pm which made closing difficult so they asked me to stay until 11pm. I did and it wasn't too bad. At least I get more money. Apparently the floor set people didn't leave untill 8am! I'm sooo glad I didn't get scheduled for that. They did that Friday, Saturday, and are doing it right now until the morning.

Sunday (today)- I woke up on time to go to church, but I didn't end up going. Instead I hung out with my parents and just relaxed which was definatly needed. I went to work from 12-6pm (opening to closing on a sunday) I came home and my parents were at a tennis match. I was supposed to make dinner for myself but I ended up falling asleep in my bed and was woken up by my mom when they came home at 8 (an hour early) She made me an ommlette and cut up a grapefruit. My parents and I started to watch Iron Man II and I made a strawberry smoothie (yum) But we all got tired so we're hopefully going to finish watching it tomorrow. Anyways, I'm in bed now and I'm really tired. Tomorrow I have school and work. So nothing too exciting.

So that was my weird, but not so weird weekend. Hopefully my week is sunnier and a little bit happier!

This time I really mean it!

Okay, so I never posted like I said I was going to. I've been SO BUSY. I'm finally not closing tonight so I wont be home obnoxiously late! So look for more tonight! :)

To be continued...

I have a lot to say, (good and bad) but I am so freaking tired! So for the sake of the threads of mental health that are still in tact, I'm going to sleep. Look for more tomorrow!

Psyching Myself Out Of Success

So you know that I majorly effed up in school and haven't been to one of my classes in like, 2 weeks. I also didn't turn in the midterm. Normally, if I wanted to get back on track I would make up a really good lie or sob story and take what I can get from the teacher. This has always worked for me. I'm too good of a liar. Sometimes I start to believe myself. In an attempt to cut down on the lying, I e-mailed my teacher and told him... the truth...? First time I think I've ever done that. I told him that I didn't come in because I wasn't done with my paper. Then I didn't come in because I was afraid he wouldn't take my paper. Then I didn't come in because I've been gone for so long and coming back to the class would be scary especially when all the students would be like "where have you been?" "I thought you dropped the course" and things like that. For some reason these things paralyze me to the point of complete and total avoidance of the situation. I didn't get a response from him before class today, so SHOCK... i didn't go. But it gets better, I just looked in my e-mail and saw his response. I wish I could just give him a hug for understanding and being so kind when most would take advantage of the power that they posses.

No problem. I know how scary such things can be from my own time in school. For my class you can always hand stuff in late with no penalty. I'm anti hidden agendas and am just concerned with students undertanding of the subject matter.
New favorite teacher ever. Mercy is present when asked for with honesty. Life is bitchin'.. I am going to sleep well tonight.

Amazing Grace

No... not the song. God's grace is amazing. Sometimes things are just going so wrong and have gotten so tangled that you can't see a way out. Today was a rough day with work. I ended up calling and telling them that I couldn't come in even if they were mad. I guess I tried my best to be a "real. strong. woman." like an alpha is supposed to be and finally stood up for myself. It was really hard to do this. It may seem like a small thing, but there were phone calls, mom talks, and many many tears. But you know what? Today was blessed. It was exactly what I needed and the stress that I was going through was caused by doubting God's plan. I went to Les Miserables at Glenelg with best friend Michelle. I can't even tell you how beautiful it was. Music has always been something that has touched me and today I was reminded of that. I even got to see Mr. George whom I've known for my whole life and miss so so much. I ate dinner with some fabulous people and then watched a movie with Michelle, Amanda, and eventually their mom came to watch also. I relaxed. It was such a de-stressing thing and I really have no idea why but THAT movie with THOSE people right THEN was something i needed. I was definatly feeling better. But ohh my goodness did God put the cherry on top. On my way out Michelle and I stoped to look at the spring storm passing through. It's the first one of the year and we both love watching lighning. I can't tell you how amazing it was. Amanda and Kim came out too. (but kim got cold kind of quickly) We talked about life, and about God and how much he knows us. Thennn... we got totally creeped out by a car that had some kind of megaphone, it was something out of a horror film, seriously. Days like today can start out being average, there can be rough patches, but God is beautiful and everything he does is perfect. I feel like God gave me a hug today.

my lame weekend.

All week I look forward to the weekend. I get really excited on Thursdays because I only have one class on Friday at 8am so basically my weekend starts early! I guess I'm still used to not having a job because well, my weekends are no longer something to look forward to. On friday I had work from 3-8pm. Saturday I had work from 1-9pm, and today I work from 2:30-7:30. Yes, I'm making a lot of money and I don't hate my job but not only do I not have any time to relax, I barelly have enough time to do my schoolwork. Thanks to work I wasn't able to make one of the four showings of les mis at my old high school, which I really wanted to go to. Instead I get to talk to every single person who decides to walk through the doors of American Eagle. One of my jobs as a sales associate is to ask open ended questions. A lot of the time I'll ask "hey! what are you shopping for today?" and ohhh the answers. Some examples: "nothing, just browsing, just looking around, just seeing what you've got, no, something mumbled in a foreign language (usually asian or spanish), no thanks, blank stare, I'll ask you if I need help, I don't have any money, can I get an application", and once i was actually waved off by some old lady. So yeah my day is loads of fun. Then I get reemed out if I'm not talking to the people who clearly don't want my help. So I'm always either looking forward to my break, or to when my shift is over. We get a half hour break for every 5 hours that we work. Those half hours are so unbelievably quick. Sometimes they ask me to stay later then I was scheduled. I've yet to say no so they BETTER let me have a week off for spring break. Oh yeah! I'm going down south to see my sisters and my sister later this April. I'm really excited :) As for the rest of the week, my life looks like this:
Monday: school, bank, Dr's, Babysitting
Tuesday: school, work
Wednesday: school, essay writing time, maybe some decent sleep?!
Thursday: school, work
Friday: school, work, bible study, NOT driving down to greensboro to go to formal
Saturday: work, being bitter about formal
Sunday: work, looking at pictures from formal.

Yeah, I can't go to my sororities formal because i'm considered "alum" right now and in the new bylaws it says that we cant attend foral events. I can't tell you how pissed I was when I heard this. People are so fucking stupid sometimes. Yeah, alpha chi... this REALLY makes me want to come back next year, touched that you miss me so much...? There are a few girls who said i should just show up anyways because what is exec going to do? and THEY at least really want me there. I wouldn't want to ruin their precious formal with drama though, so I'm going down on my own terms to hang out with the girls who are real sisters.

I get so worked up some times. Shewwt. Ok well there is acid in my esophogus and it's really starting to annoy me. Gonna go paint my toe nails.

Jumping on the bandwagon

So, two of my most favorite people ever started blogging this week! Jen and Rachel are obviously inspirational and I decided that blogging was something that I want to try too! This is basically just going to be an online diary where I spell my thoughts out to anybody who's willing to listen. I'm 18 years old (almost 19) and I currently go to community college. First semester, I went to UNCGreensboro and I loved it. However, some menacing problems caught up with me and really effed up everything. I struggle with an eating disorder and depression. They are both a pain in my ass and if it wasn't for them sucking me back in, I would still be in North Carolina right now, probably enjoying the weather and driving to the carolina cup with my sisters. Oh yeah, I'm in a sorority. I am a sister of Alpha Chi Omega and couldn't love it more than I already do. This probably helps to explain the title of my blog because the lyre is a symbol of axo... also I lie alot. I lie to myself, to friends, and to family. I refuse to lie in this blog. I'm going to start practicing what I preach and be accountable to my actions and thoughts. I have a best friend and a weird family. I've applied for the Disney College Program and am currently pending. That being said I am always always always obssesivly checking my e-mail in hopes that I've gotten in. If I do get in, I'll get to spend the fall with my best friend in florida and have a mouse as my boss! How cool would that be?! So that's pretty much my life right now. I'm not particularly struggling with my eating disorder at this point. However, depression has been a problem yet and all my therapist wants me to be re-evaluated and have my meds increased. I'm okay with it, as long as I stop feeling like shit. Actually knowing that my slump has been because of something chemical and not because I generally suck has already made me feel a little better! Plus, spring is coming and I got my pay check last night, so that helps too. Okay, well thats all for now!